Ask … ask again … ask some more !

Even before we can speak, we ask questions. We don’t remember, and couldn’t verbalise them. But we were curious, we wanted to explore it all, touch it, taste it, chew on it. It is among our most basic instincts, to understand how everything around us works.

Asking questions is integral to moving towards future goals. Becoming more the person you want to be, and actively being part of building and shaping the world in your image. You have been doing it since you were an infant, so why stop now?

With anything; learning to ride a bike, a new language, math, paying bills online, editing a video, a new structured investment product. You most likely have some idea how to do it or where to begin. Therein lies the key: “How?”, the wish to learn.

It is important that you ask questions. To yourself, the current situation, to others, about he future. Not to constantly ‘question’ or doubt everything, but to understand yourself in relation to the world, and you in it.

Same as there is more opportunities in positive chaos than order – there are more opportunities in questions than in answers.

Everything that has been answered. Those are the things we know, are already doing – or have tried and chosen not to do. Questions are the things we are not yet doing, solutions we haven’t found or tried. Questions represent the future we want to create.

How to go about asking questions

Since we’ve been doing it for so long – it should be obvious. But often, our reluctance to ask questions – makes us awkward about it. Our fear of sounding stupid, of not knowing what we are ‘supposed’ to know, having to ask again. Makes us come into it with our defences up.

Know this, most people are happy to help and share their experience.

So try these….

Prepare

The old saying; “there are no stupid questions – only stupid answers”, holds true. But there are unprepared questions.

Ask the questions to yourself first. Do your own research, come to your own conclusions and solutions before going to others.

Make sure people you ask knows why. Not a long elaborate dissertation on the entirety of your troubles and challenges, but enough that they know why they should spend time with you. That you’re not there to investigate them or take something away from them.

If your question is where or how to find information, let people know what you’ve already tried.

Give a heads up. Send a note in advance, ask for a suitable time. Also when they are your vendors or report to you.

Help them first, earn a little credit and show them how it’s done.

Be spontaneous

Being prepared – preloading, is a good habit. But don’t let it stand in the way of an opportunity to experience and learn in the moment. There’s no time like the present.

When you chance upon people you can learn from, surprising information or ideas inspires you – or you see someone who can use your help. Don’t hesitate. It’s your intuition helping you recognise there is a learning situation, someone who needs you. You do come prepared.

Ideas are generated, momentum goes up and people are energised when thoughts flow freely.

Ideas are questions. There is an underlying thought that maybe this new thought is possible – an underling ‘how?’. How can we make this idea reality?

Take part in a brain storming session. You are as much generating ideas in an environment that encourages spontaneity, as you are asking bundles of positive questions. How? How can we create this, make it better, have fun doing it?

Be brave

If you are uncertain about your question – if you need a little cushion. Then “I have an idea”, is a great way to cross the hurdle. It’s also a good way to deliver constructive criticism.

Every single person, who knows more than you about a particular topic. Has achieved that knowledge by asking questions. They respect curiosity and wanting to learn.

Rest assured. You have something to offer them in return, in other areas or ways. Your experiences and knowledge is unique and valuable.

Remember, wanting to is far more important than able to.

Prepare for no

People may not have time. Ask if a later time suits them – and if they decline, accept it.

People tend to get stressed about the things they are ‘supposed’ to know, but don’t. It can be a tremendous source of self doubt on their part. They can feel challenged and put on the spot.

Even when they do know. They can be reluctant to engage with others. It can be difficult to convey knowledge and experience. Not because we are mindless robots who just ‘do that we do’. But because it is complex, acquired over years, and experience means they see all the intricate nuances. It can be difficult, finding out where to begin explaining to others.

Subject matter experts can have a difficult time explaining things in your terms. They often – due to the excitement of sharing something they are passionate about, go deep into technical lingo, acronym soup and jargon. Some see this as a rejection, a ‘no’, where it is the exact opposite.

When they don’t know

When people don’t know, well – they don’t know.

It could be, that since you’ve prepared well, done your own research – have formed your own ideas. That you’ve come upon a new area, a new way of seeing or thinking about it.

Look for other sources and views, something you should be doing in any case.

And then there are the few. Those who give half, stupid or reluctant answers. They’re most likely doing it because they don’t know – and are simply winging it to sound smart. Or are protective of their area, something you must respect.

When you know the answer

Often we know the answer, what we want to do – or not do, and why.

Yet – we want to check with others to see what they’d do. Maybe we are concerned we’ll look or appear silly doing things the way we planned. Or simply looking for feedback and alternatives to set the rails for our venture.

If we do it to get a broader perspective, inspiration, new ways, listen to the experiences of others, it’s excellent.

It can be a great way to engage and inspire others.

False positives

When we have decided not to do something, or when we doubt ourselves. We often look for reasons to support it, listen to people who will tell you not to. To further deter you.

I suggest you instead pause, trust your own decision.

Put it on your ‘maybe later’ list, or realise that your emotional response is in fact a fear of failure. And your questions represent a deep wish to succeed in that area or task.

Keep at it

Do not be frustrated by all the unanswered questions you have. People’s reluctance to help or being met with wondering eyes for asking weird or outside-the-box questions.

Instead. Cherish that you see a bigger world, that each and every question could lead you to opportunities – and more questions.

Our future lies in all the things we don’t know we don’t know.

Two words

Thank you.

Appreciate people’s time, the experiences and knowledge they’ve shared with you. Say thank you.

Drop by, call or write later. When you see the real impact of what you learned from them – maybe years later.

Let them know how much it means to you, how they helped lift you to where you are now. Even if what you learned from them didn’t turn out to work for you. Appreciate it, it is all part of your learning.

It means a lot to them. They in return learn from how their knowledge applies to others, and it encourages us all to help and appreciate each other.

Asking in meetings

Keep in mind that all messages has a sender and a receiver. The sender has a responsibility to make an effort to ensure the message is received, clearly understood, and to verify it was.

The receiver(s) have an equally important responsibility. To bring themselves into a position where they are actively engaged in receiving the message. And verify they understand the message – often by asking questions.

This is an important part of preloading efforts, to avoid delays and wasted time.

Ask questions to verify that you understand the information given to you. Whether being information, directions to perform your job, important regulations, future outcomes, customer feedback, etc.

These questions also serve as a clear signal to the person giving you the information. That you have heard and understood what was said.

Make sure you ask questions in your own vocabulary. Your and your teams own way of thinking about the topic, and in a way that fits into your area of work and expertise. To ensure there is no misunderstandings due to language, culture, industry slang and acronyms.

A significant number of misunderstandings. Stem from wanting to bond with, or appear to understand industry experts or people deep in the latest hype cycle. At the cost of clarity and learning.

Asking questions is also a good way to raise your profile and be seen and heard yourself, provided you ask good, timely and relevant questions.

Depending on environment, culture and the people you are interacting with. It can be your best way to put your own ideas and methods on the table for consideration

The fear of asking

Too many people are afraid of asking questions, both one-on-one and in groups.

Afraid of sounding stupid for not knowing.

Not waning to be the only one asking questions.

Believing it is rude to ask questions. As it would indicate that the person speaking, often their superior or an important customer, is not clear and well spoken. Mostly a cultural consideration many misunderstand.

The reasons are many.

Again – every single person you speak with, have been where you are. Having questions, now knowing, being in doubt.

And remember. Wanting to is far more important than able to.

Asking good questions helps others

We learn from teaching others. It require us to acquire a deep understanding of our subject, the questions behind the question. We will be challenged by unforeseen angles and connections we never imagined. When we are open to it – it will enrich and accelerate our own learning.

We can help others overcome their fear of asking, hindering their active participation. Especially in meetings and other public settings. Junior employees, introverts… anyone, help and encourage others by asking.

We learn about ourselves when people ask us questions. What we know, what we think, how we feel about the question in relation to ourselves. And being able to help others – it feels good.

Especially the surprising, quirky, unexpected questions. That challenges and moves us to explore, discover new areas, combine existing knowledge. These are the best questions that inspires us to move, learn, change direction, stay on our path.

Remember the good habit, to speak because you want to learn. When asking questions that aim to uncover reasons, to solve problems. Ask with the true intention of learning what lies behind the issue, thus helping them to learn. When you ask with the purpose of figuring out who did what wrong – people become defensive, and you are closing a learning loop. When you help people discover reasons, to find solutions – you are creating and opening up new learning loops. It means we ask before we answer.

Rather than telling people what to do, the ‘right’ way to do something, when to do it, etc. Ask good questions, help them find their own way.

Every answer should spark 5 new questions

Is this valid and valuable information. Should I find more sources, fact check, find alternative information, find other ways of looking at it ?

For information received and learned from others. How does that work for them? What influences their process? How is it made? what does their market look like? How do they feel about working with us?

What does my new knowledge mean for me, and how can i use it to move forward and reach my goals ?

It should challenge and moderate what is physically and mentally on your “not doing” list.